14 July 2009

Making, Picking, Sorting

I've been a mom for 18 months. I live in facination of my nine month old, Miles, and in constant scrutinization of my very own mother behavior. Just when I feel like the biggest monster and am the most disappointed in my abilities to keep calm and carry on, I read a little bit of The Baby Book by Dr. Sears and like a little hand, it pats me on my back, reassures me, forgives my swearing and grunting, all my giving up for split seconds and moments that I do. It's hard to love something, someone so much and to be so drained that you never get to show how much love you have. My baby has started to use me as a pacifier and I want to attack this head on, not wait 'til he's two, so I can be a better human being for him all day. My partner could be a bigger part of creating our family's nighttime routine. Instead of me being constantly frustrated and not knowing how to fit him into what has become mine and Miles' exclusive, no dads nighttime ritual. Tonight I read about wearing him down, which I do sometimes but I think the key is for us to share or alternate the nighttime wearing and shushing. The teeth, are a major downer for him and are competing with his sleeping, our consistancy, everything, everyday is different with these teeth popping up and bugging him like they do. But I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I can see that Miles is get better at falling asleep. Maybe next month will be easier. He's so awesome.
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